Break ups are a terrible event that no-one should have to suffer through alone. When you’ve been so close to someone for so long, it can feel like you’ve been ripped in two when your other half isn’t around anymore. I always stress in my articles that having close friends around you makes living through a break up SO much easier, but whether you have close friends or not, the break-up itself always feels like a private psychological battle between yourself and your ex. This article will arm you with some solid tactics and techniques that will help you retain leadership in this tragic ’2 player’ battle.

As the leader, YOU retain control over whether the relationship continues or not, and that’s why is absolutely vital that you can learn and use these leadership techniques. Winning back your ex is a lot easier if you’re the leader.

To become the natural leader, you need three things. You need the moral high ground, control over communication and total information. If one of these key points is missing, you may quickly find your ex can use it to take back the reigns and start calling the shots.

1. The Moral High Ground. Morality is a greying area in today’s society, but when it comes to the breaking up of a relationship – it’s usually very clear who has the moral high ground. Once you have morality on your side, you should be able to minimise your feelings and guilt, and have control over your ex’s. For when you simply want to know that you have control over the situation is a relief to many people during a break-up.

2. Control Over Communication. Communication is often a big issue during relationship troubles and break-ups. Ever refused to respond to a text, or ‘give it a day’ before replying? This is an example of the type of breaks in communication which send stress levels during a break-up through the roof. The position of leadership you want to be in will be where you decide whether you want to speak to your ex or not, and not the other way round. To ensure this – have their house phone as well as their mobile phone, and don’t be afraid of using mutual friends to ‘bridge’ the gap when it comes to making contact. SOME careful communication will be better than none at all, because when people start having blackouts of communication, the imagination runs wild and paranoia exacerbates an already horrible situation.

3. Total Information. You may have arguments in the days of your break-up, and for these especially; you need to have all the facts to be able to exert leadership over the situation. There’s nothing worse than being presented with a new piece of information mid-argument that completely and utterly renders you speechless. This situation completely robs you of you leadership, and it doesn’t take an expert to point out that this won’t help your chances of getting what you want out of the break-up. Try and collect all the information you can surrounding your break-up. Often people just ONLY want to hear stories that support them, and so only discuss their break up with friends who they know will agree. To get the full picture, try and talk it out with one of your Exs mates, and you’ll get a much better idea of what the problem looks like from the other side of the fence.

Ensure you have the moral high ground, control over the flow of information and total information, and you’ll be able to win your Ex back, or make sure they never speak to you again. Your choice!