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Not only is the Telegraph offering you a range of alternative routes to dieting, but they are essentially reviewing Proactol in their reference of it.

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Saying there are other avenues you can look into in your search for healthy dieting.

Review sites are particularly effective at breaking down the basics of a dieting supplement into its basic points.

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Yes Dear! Im sorry!

So, here is an interesting detail! MEN….did you know that there is a right and a wrong way to put a roll of toilet paper on a spool?? I didn’t!! Now I can tell you for many years this has never been an issue for me. As long as I got a stack of books and a charlie brown comic book sitting on the back of the toilet I could honestly give a rats ass about which way the roll is on the spool. Val of course felt the need to point this out. It was subtle, it was actually a compliment! “You did good honey!” she even gave me a kiss. Frankly im scared. Because the first thing in my mind was……’Why has she never said anything about the times Ive obviously done this wrong!!??’ If I did it right and get thanked for it….Ive clearly done it wrong before and not a word!!

Leave the toilet seat up….. SMACK!
Forget to turn the alarm clock off….SMACK!
Leave a light on…… Its pointed out!
Put somthing on the wrong shelf in the fridge (Because this is a big deal too) …..AHEM!

BUT….The toilet paper roll…….NOTHING! Instead I get thanked for doing it right. Frankly Im rather nervous because what ELSE am I doing wrong that she says nothing about that will eventually come out and slam me into a wall? Then I start to think that its a ploy….. just something to throw me off. Im telling you, pregnant women…….. will keep you guessing. And because they can justify everything with… “Im pregnant and hormonal im allowed!” there is just no safety net. In general men….when this happens….stand still, shit your pants, and hope for the best!

And NO, I am not saying which way is the right way to put a toilet paper roll on the spool. If I have to learn the hard way…..So do you!!! Live in Fear or ask your pregnant wife, but don’t blame me if she makes you look stupid. Which, incedently, I have looked rather stupid several times over the last few months for reasons I will take to my grave. There are some things that just wont reach the memoir because I will enjoy myself far to much laughing at later when my friends finally knock up thier girlfriends!

So… the baby is kicking!! Of course it took nearly 3 weeks before the little bugger would let me feel it mind you. Suprised?? My kid?? Not even born yet and a Brat?? Not one bit. I swear he was playing with me the first few nights. Val would even guide my hand to exactly where he was kicking…..next kick would be on the other side! On top…he kicks below…. on the left….. he kicks right. Got smart and used both hands and almost covered her whole belly…….kicked backwards!! Did this for a week!!! Val of course found this utterly amusing. After I’d give up trying to feel it and roll over she’d start giggling away because the little devil would start kicking only one spot. It would seem however the novelty wore off because now I feel it all the time. He even has a schedule. He has however found a whole new barrel of fun because he is starting the eluding kick with my Mom. Who by the way…..still says hi to Val’s belly first, and then me. Go Matthew!

It is however, probably the coolest thing in the world to feel. Val isn’t too pleased at times as we are certain he is playing rugby with his umbilical cord which has a rather hasty response from her bladder, but it doesn’t take away from the awesomness of it. Feeling a baby kick……….easlily in the top ten of cool.

So what else is new and exciting? Well we are now officially in the third tri-mester and Val is slowly approaching the “fed up” stage. She is not yet near the “get this kid out of me” Stage. And very far from the “you did this to me you will pay” stage. However being that she is in the “Fed Up” stage I have heard some rather colorful names Val has for her neutritionist. In fact the staff at the clinic in general each has thier own colorful designation ranging from ‘stupid bitch’ to ‘skanks R us’ and my personal favorite ‘Fukface Slimedog’. Her gyno she is a little more lenient with but only because this is the man who will deliver this baby and she knows it is probably a good idea to stay on his good side. As soon as this baby is born however I am nearly positive he will fall into the nebula of colorful metaphors from which there is no escape.

She is a trooper however. Despite all the new things she has had to go through for this pregnancy (which of course is all my fault, yes dear, im sorry) she is doing amazingly well, and despite the fact that she hates that she is on a diet because of the Diabetes she is following it properly. Im quite proud in truth. Word to the wise however do not attempt to steal her MR BIG! It could result in hospital time and a possible loss of limbs. And yes…there are several people out there who are concerned about the fact she still smokes. Understand that with the stresses of all the things we have had to endure…diabetes, moving, the wedding, the surgery and all the stuff we went though in the beginning of the pregnancy concerning the baby’s possible risk to health problems and positioning and upcoming actual birth her doctor has actually told her to cut down yes (Which she has) but to not even try and quit smoking entirely as the added stress of it on top of everything else could very well and probably will do more harm than good for the baby and Val in general.

Some people have told me the doctor is an idiot and stupid and doesn’t know what he is doing but In truth I figure after 8 years of Medical school and 20 years of practice not to mention the 1000′s of babies delivered and pregnant smoking women he has worked with he probably knows more about the complications that “could” or “may” be cause by smoking during a pregnancy than we do, and well…….after 7 months the baby is in perfect health and he isn’t concerned in the least. Considering one of the guys who told me he was stupid etc.. went to school for 3 years of mechanics I have decided that he can diagnose my car all he wants, but when it comes to Val and her health and the baby, Ill trust the Doctor unless he or anyone has a resume equally impressive. Thus…. bug her at your own risk…..3rd tri-mester here, its kill ask questions later!

Yup…moving along quite well. And im still alive so I must be doing something right….Except of course the toilet paper rolls. The toilet seat. Oh I forgot to get her a Mr. Big once. Bought 3 to make up for it. Still stealing pillows…. ok so I dont know what im doing right exactly but its Something! And it must be good to make up for all the things I do wrong. Besides…Val has it good….she knows dam well im wrapped around her finger and with her pregy senses I couldn’t get away with anything if I tried. And I am good for things too like:

Waking up at 7am To kill a bat flying in the house (true story)
Spilling my glass of pepsi (been on a roll with this one)
Fixing the computers.
Taking out the garbage and recycling
Very good timing when getting a drink because im there at the fridge anyway….may as well fill her glass too (I swear she waits for me)

Im also a pretty good target, especially since I usually end up opening all the doors myself and volentarily putting my own foot in my mouth and requesting salt. But Val is happy, and really…..when pregnant…that’s all that matters. Otherwise I’d be in a hell of a lot of troube!

So in conclusion of this memoir, I am sorry for taking so long but it has been a busy few weeks. Val and the baby are doing great and she is right on target. Doctors are keeping a close eye on her and as for me…….well Im hanging in there just fine. My hands and arms are a little red and stingy due to forgetting to put the toilet seat down but all in all life is good. Even if I had complaints no one would listen anyway! IE:”IM pregnant, Hormonal, and allowed” There is just no argueing that!.

• Put yourself out there

Unfortunately, there is a good chance that your true love is not going to just show up at your door, flowers in hand. It probably happened, once, but it’s more than likely not going to happen again. You have to put yourself out there and meet people. If you don’t know where to go, then there are several options available.
To start with, some people have had good luck on the internet, believe it or not. Dating websites have soared in popularity and at the very least you should be able to find someone who has things in common with you.

If that’s not your thing, then try going to social events that cater to large numbers of people, like bars, dance clubs, and parties. The next time you get an invitation to party then you should go, even if you don’t know that many people there.

By putting yourself out there, you’re not only meeting a lot of different people, but you’re also getting yourself used to talking to people that you don’t know. This creates self-confidence, which can only bring good things.

• Your love is for you

Your true love is for you to decide on, not for anyone else. You should take a long look inside of you to determine the qualities that you are searching for and what you think would be a good match for you. It’s not something that your Aunt Martha or your best friend Katie thinks should be right for you.
If you’re a list-making person, it might even help you to make a list of the qualities that you are looking for. Knowing what you are looking for is half of the battle.

• Don’t settle

Once you know what you’re looking for, don’t settle. If there are some traits that are very important to you, like finding someone who loves children, then compromising might lead to heartache on down the line and you don’t want that.

Likewise, don’t settle for something that doesn’t feel right. Oftentimes in the search for true love, we get discouraged. When this happens, we sometimes end up dating people that aren’t right for us because we think that we will never find someone who truly is. Just remember that you’re worth more than that and that you deserve to be happy.

• Don’t give up

If you give up too soon, you’ll never find your own true love. Don’t let past mistakes or relationships bring you down. Instead, think of them as learning experiences and try to take something positive from them. Enjoy the little things in your life now so that when you find your true love, you’ll be ready for them.

Imagine what if you could make any man adore you, chase you, love you, and commit to you!

This article is contributed by Tina Jones. Tina is part of the Unforgettable Woman Publishing Team. She works together with founder Alexandra Fox and writes dating/relationship articles for women who want to understand male psychology, how to attract men, and find true love.

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Yup that’s right. Standing in the ultrasound room waiting patiently for the Dr to finish taking the measurements of the baby’s head and such and then he said the magic words. “It’s a boy!” It hit us all like a truck. Of course we all had different reactions!!! My Mom jumped 14 feet high and after peeling her off the ceiling she cried. Cindy was beaming a smile from cheek to cheek… finally a little brother!!……… Valerie laying on the table breathed a sigh of relief as this meant she could soon go to the bathroom. And me!!…..Even though all I really wanted was a healthy child….boy or girl didn’t matter, I gleamed, I smiled with a sense of pride……… I could feel it right then and there….the power… the releif……after living with Valerie, a step-Daughter, a female cat named Legend. Me and my boy (the other Cat) Arty have been badly outnumbered by the females and on the receiving end of PMS, female logic, and the ultimate power of female arguing wisdom. Now…… Testosterone will rival the Estrogen!! “Gillette” will take as much space as “secret”! Disposable razors will not all be pink! The toilet seat will be up as often as it is down!! YES….YES….. The hormonal balance in the house is shifting!!!

As soon as we got home I informed Arty of the incredible news and us Men retreated to the living room and scratched ourselves proudly. Soon after Valerie shook the bag of Temptation cat treats and he abandoned me. But the fact still remains the numbers will be even!! Even I tell you!!!

So its been a good couple of weeks here, things are going smooth. Val is finally buying her own T-shirts, however do not for a minute think its because she doesn’t like mine anymore….its only because slowly….over time…..they are not fitting the baby bump anymore! So it isn’t out of pity or anything ( god forbid ) its because she has no choice. But for the moment, I have my T-shirts back so I can take some mild satisfaction in this. That is until birth, because then all the T-Shirts she’s buying now will be far too big and she’ll steal mine all over again. So in the end I dont really win…..big surprise!

This week I have given Val a new Nickname. You see pregnancy brings with it all sorts of new and exciting things. The mood swings, the farting, morning sickness and all that fun stuff. Every woman is different of course and experiences these things from one extreme to the other, but then there are some things that you dont expect but probably should.

Of course with a belly now when Val sleeps getting comfy is an issue…. I mean it must be because she moves from one side to the other to her back and all over again 47 times a night when before she was asleep before she hit the pillow. As luck would have it…. the position she used to sleep in she barely uses anymore and the new 17 positions she uses all involve snoring. Of course im not sure the noise billowing forth from her nostrils can be classified as snoring but well have to live with it. It is unholy!!! I dont understand how it doesn’t hurt! The thing that surprises me the most is that she doesn’t wake herself up!! You could drop a napkin in the kitchen and she’ll wake up, but the 52 decibel fluttering nostril death banshee snore does nothing.

I sat up one night and watched her. Her face looked like she was yawning while inhaling, I mean she really gets that air in there, and then it looks like she’s blowing a kiss when exhaling. Legend foolishly crossed over her when she inhaled once and I swear the cat ran in place trying to escape but couldn’t. Suddenly she exhaled and Legend hit the dresser and knocked over Cindy’s babyteeth. Of course when Val discovered the jar of teeth on the floor in the morning she gave legend sht. Poor thing… I thought of speaking up but decided not too. I don’t think the pregnant one would have taken it too well if I told her she almost swallowed the cat and I layed there and watched wanting to see what would happen if she did. Secretly hoping the snoring would stop.

So, because of the new snoring development Ive decided to call my lovely wife the newest Decepticon SNOR-A-TRON. With fast action Fusion Snor-o-cannon. Guaranteed to wake you up!

I have also noticed that things that could not possibly be your fault, become your fault. Of course as males we are responsible for much whether we like it or not but it would be nice if things make sense. Legend this week was on the table and up to her usual attention getting trouble, playing with Val’s stuff. She knock’s something over and Val gets frustrated and has to pick it up etc. I innocently come walking into the kitchen to get a drink and Val stare’s at me with this wicked look like I should crawl in a hole or something and utters: “she gets it from you you know!”

Now my response is obvious….. how the hell could I be responsible for what the cat does!! Pregnant women have the answers. And pregnant answers require no justification. They just ARE! And should you argue their points….they will only create more answers. So in response to losing the argument that I am not responsible for the cats behavior I have tried to train Legend. Needless to say she’s training me more than anything else. But Ive learned that if I growl a certain way she will run and hide under our bed, and she will follow a red laser pointer until she keel’s over and dies. Making her chase the lazer in circles and getting her dizzy is also rather hilarious. Probably cruel….but hilarious nonetheless.

So the day before we have the ultrasound we decide it would be easier to have my Mom spend the night as opposed to picking her up in the morning. (Hades fire breathing hounds would not have stopped my mother from being there for this one. I swear to God she would have hitchhiked or worst case scenario….actually teleported if she needed too.) But no……..instead, she spends the night.

Now im pretty lucky (in a way) because the wife and the mother get along very well. But holy flipping Santa’s reindeer can these two women talk……and talk……and geez talk yet some more. Just when you think they have run out of things to talk about they find some obscure subject and start ranting about that. Everytime I went to the kitchen I felt like I was watching a tennis game. We went to bed later than usual, Val snored all night, I was a bloody zombie the next day.

The day however at the hospital was very special. I can’t even describe how I was feeling really. This isn’t something I think you can explain unless you are in the situation but wow. Seeing that baby on the vewscreen and looking like a baby at this point was really cool. (the first ultrasound the fetus looked like an Alien. So much in fact I wasn’t sure if I was indeed from Earth or not.) Watching the baby move…..the heart beat. I admit I got all watery eyed. OF course its my Mom’s fault cause she was sobbing otherwise I would have been just fine. I think Val was the only one who didn’t react cause the only thing she was thinking about at that point was how badly she had to pee.

So that’s it…..after all this time and everyone telling us its a girl, myself and a very select few people were actually right. Yes….there is no need to re-read the last sentence I said I was right!! I will pay for it and somehow be wrong later but for now I am right!!!

Needless to say…I didn’t sleep last either. Snor-a-tron was making energon cubes.

By Lee Marshall

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