Author Archive
Convoy for the Cure in breast Cancer
Posted by: | CommentsThere is no known cure for breast cancer. More than 1.5 million people will be diagnosed with breast cancer this year worldwide. Scientists don’t know why most women get breast cancer, yet breast cancer is the most frequent tumor found in women the world over. A woman who dies of breast cancer is robbed of an average of nearly 20 years of her life. Breast cancer knows no social boundaries. It’s a disease that can affect anyone. These high rates of breast cancer are not acceptable to the women of the world and must be met with scientific research that provides results.
But a good friend of mine Anne Finley is making her mark by helping to Raise funds for breast Cancer Research and we need your help
Anne has written a song CONVOY FOR THE CURE to help raise funds for breast Cancer Research, by downloading the song which will cost you 0.99 cents all money will be going the breast cancer research fund to help find a cure and we can’t do it without you!
We have all been touched by breast Cancer at one point in our lives whether it is a friend, a relative or perhaps yourself, so lets all get together and form our own Convoy to beat Breast cancer by downloading Anne’s song. it is truly an amazing song you will love it and you will be helping by donating to the Cause!
YOU CAN DOWNLOAD CONVOY FOR THE CURE BY CLICKING ON THE LINK lets all do our part and help find the cure!
About the song ‘Convoy For The Cure’: Participating in such a worthy heart warming event like the Convoy was absolutely incredible. I wanted to do something more to help in this fight against Breast Cancer. I’m not a survivor like so many of the women who participate in the convoy. I am one of the fighters. This is how I can help fight this terrible disease. Please enjoy the work Bill Petrie (Studio B), Paul Magee, Gil Roberts and myself have put into this song. This was absolutely a labour of love and our way of helping. ” .Anne Finley.
Check out the preview at CDBABY AND LETS ALL HELP TO FIND THE CURE!
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7389
Memoirs of a pregnant dad week 23-28
Posted by: | CommentsYes yes, it has indeed been awhile. I know I could sit here and offer a long detailed explanation as to why the memoirs are late but we all know it will simply go to the dogs and I will be left up the proverbial creek anyway so I will just leave it at the fact that with the wedding in a couple of days the preperations needed etc etc….its been busy. Work has also been rather crazy and thus my free time has been spent poorly. Yes yes…..I know……Im wrong……………again!
Yes Dear! Im sorry!
So, here is an interesting detail! MEN….did you know that there is a right and a wrong way to put a roll of toilet paper on a spool?? I didn’t!! Now I can tell you for many years this has never been an issue for me. As long as I got a stack of books and a charlie brown comic book sitting on the back of the toilet I could honestly give a rats ass about which way the roll is on the spool. Val of course felt the need to point this out. It was subtle, it was actually a compliment! “You did good honey!” she even gave me a kiss. Frankly im scared. Because the first thing in my mind was……’Why has she never said anything about the times Ive obviously done this wrong!!??’ If I did it right and get thanked for it….Ive clearly done it wrong before and not a word!!
Leave the toilet seat up….. SMACK!
Forget to turn the alarm clock off….SMACK!
Leave a light on…… Its pointed out!
Put somthing on the wrong shelf in the fridge (Because this is a big deal too) …..AHEM!
BUT….The toilet paper roll…….NOTHING! Instead I get thanked for doing it right. Frankly Im rather nervous because what ELSE am I doing wrong that she says nothing about that will eventually come out and slam me into a wall? Then I start to think that its a ploy….. just something to throw me off. Im telling you, pregnant women…….. will keep you guessing. And because they can justify everything with… “Im pregnant and hormonal im allowed!” there is just no safety net. In general men….when this happens….stand still, shit your pants, and hope for the best!
And NO, I am not saying which way is the right way to put a toilet paper roll on the spool. If I have to learn the hard way…..So do you!!! Live in Fear or ask your pregnant wife, but don’t blame me if she makes you look stupid. Which, incedently, I have looked rather stupid several times over the last few months for reasons I will take to my grave. There are some things that just wont reach the memoir because I will enjoy myself far to much laughing at later when my friends finally knock up thier girlfriends!
So… the baby is kicking!! Of course it took nearly 3 weeks before the little bugger would let me feel it mind you. Suprised?? My kid?? Not even born yet and a Brat?? Not one bit. I swear he was playing with me the first few nights. Val would even guide my hand to exactly where he was kicking…..next kick would be on the other side! On top…he kicks below…. on the left….. he kicks right. Got smart and used both hands and almost covered her whole belly…….kicked backwards!! Did this for a week!!! Val of course found this utterly amusing. After I’d give up trying to feel it and roll over she’d start giggling away because the little devil would start kicking only one spot. It would seem however the novelty wore off because now I feel it all the time. He even has a schedule. He has however found a whole new barrel of fun because he is starting the eluding kick with my Mom. Who by the way…..still says hi to Val’s belly first, and then me. Go Matthew!
It is however, probably the coolest thing in the world to feel. Val isn’t too pleased at times as we are certain he is playing rugby with his umbilical cord which has a rather hasty response from her bladder, but it doesn’t take away from the awesomness of it. Feeling a baby kick……….easlily in the top ten of cool.
So what else is new and exciting? Well we are now officially in the third tri-mester and Val is slowly approaching the “fed up” stage. She is not yet near the “get this kid out of me” Stage. And very far from the “you did this to me you will pay” stage. However being that she is in the “Fed Up” stage I have heard some rather colorful names Val has for her neutritionist. In fact the staff at the clinic in general each has thier own colorful designation ranging from ‘stupid bitch’ to ‘skanks R us’ and my personal favorite ‘Fukface Slimedog’. Her gyno she is a little more lenient with but only because this is the man who will deliver this baby and she knows it is probably a good idea to stay on his good side. As soon as this baby is born however I am nearly positive he will fall into the nebula of colorful metaphors from which there is no escape.
She is a trooper however. Despite all the new things she has had to go through for this pregnancy (which of course is all my fault, yes dear, im sorry) she is doing amazingly well, and despite the fact that she hates that she is on a diet because of the Diabetes she is following it properly. Im quite proud in truth. Word to the wise however do not attempt to steal her MR BIG! It could result in hospital time and a possible loss of limbs. And yes…there are several people out there who are concerned about the fact she still smokes. Understand that with the stresses of all the things we have had to endure…diabetes, moving, the wedding, the surgery and all the stuff we went though in the beginning of the pregnancy concerning the baby’s possible risk to health problems and positioning and upcoming actual birth her doctor has actually told her to cut down yes (Which she has) but to not even try and quit smoking entirely as the added stress of it on top of everything else could very well and probably will do more harm than good for the baby and Val in general.
Some people have told me the doctor is an idiot and stupid and doesn’t know what he is doing but In truth I figure after 8 years of Medical school and 20 years of practice not to mention the 1000′s of babies delivered and pregnant smoking women he has worked with he probably knows more about the complications that “could” or “may” be cause by smoking during a pregnancy than we do, and well…….after 7 months the baby is in perfect health and he isn’t concerned in the least. Considering one of the guys who told me he was stupid etc.. went to school for 3 years of mechanics I have decided that he can diagnose my car all he wants, but when it comes to Val and her health and the baby, Ill trust the Doctor unless he or anyone has a resume equally impressive. Thus…. bug her at your own risk…..3rd tri-mester here, its kill ask questions later!
Yup…moving along quite well. And im still alive so I must be doing something right….Except of course the toilet paper rolls. The toilet seat. Oh I forgot to get her a Mr. Big once. Bought 3 to make up for it. Still stealing pillows…. ok so I dont know what im doing right exactly but its Something! And it must be good to make up for all the things I do wrong. Besides…Val has it good….she knows dam well im wrapped around her finger and with her pregy senses I couldn’t get away with anything if I tried. And I am good for things too like:
Waking up at 7am To kill a bat flying in the house (true story)
Spilling my glass of pepsi (been on a roll with this one)
Fixing the computers.
Taking out the garbage and recycling
Very good timing when getting a drink because im there at the fridge anyway….may as well fill her glass too (I swear she waits for me)
Im also a pretty good target, especially since I usually end up opening all the doors myself and volentarily putting my own foot in my mouth and requesting salt. But Val is happy, and really…..when pregnant…that’s all that matters. Otherwise I’d be in a hell of a lot of troube!
So in conclusion of this memoir, I am sorry for taking so long but it has been a busy few weeks. Val and the baby are doing great and she is right on target. Doctors are keeping a close eye on her and as for me…….well Im hanging in there just fine. My hands and arms are a little red and stingy due to forgetting to put the toilet seat down but all in all life is good. Even if I had complaints no one would listen anyway! IE:”IM pregnant, Hormonal, and allowed” There is just no argueing that!.
How to find your own true love!
Posted by: | CommentsDo you know how to find your true love? Are you a romantic at heart and believe in true love? How will you know when you’ve found your true love? Most people are searching for that one person who will complete them and make them feel complete-their one true love. If you are one of these people and feel as though you’ve been searching for a long time without any success, then read on to find out how you can find your true love.
• Put yourself out there
Unfortunately, there is a good chance that your true love is not going to just show up at your door, flowers in hand. It probably happened, once, but it’s more than likely not going to happen again. You have to put yourself out there and meet people. If you don’t know where to go, then there are several options available.
To start with, some people have had good luck on the internet, believe it or not. Dating websites have soared in popularity and at the very least you should be able to find someone who has things in common with you.
If that’s not your thing, then try going to social events that cater to large numbers of people, like bars, dance clubs, and parties. The next time you get an invitation to party then you should go, even if you don’t know that many people there.
By putting yourself out there, you’re not only meeting a lot of different people, but you’re also getting yourself used to talking to people that you don’t know. This creates self-confidence, which can only bring good things.
• Your love is for you
Your true love is for you to decide on, not for anyone else. You should take a long look inside of you to determine the qualities that you are searching for and what you think would be a good match for you. It’s not something that your Aunt Martha or your best friend Katie thinks should be right for you.
If you’re a list-making person, it might even help you to make a list of the qualities that you are looking for. Knowing what you are looking for is half of the battle.
• Don’t settle
Once you know what you’re looking for, don’t settle. If there are some traits that are very important to you, like finding someone who loves children, then compromising might lead to heartache on down the line and you don’t want that.
Likewise, don’t settle for something that doesn’t feel right. Oftentimes in the search for true love, we get discouraged. When this happens, we sometimes end up dating people that aren’t right for us because we think that we will never find someone who truly is. Just remember that you’re worth more than that and that you deserve to be happy.
• Don’t give up
If you give up too soon, you’ll never find your own true love. Don’t let past mistakes or relationships bring you down. Instead, think of them as learning experiences and try to take something positive from them. Enjoy the little things in your life now so that when you find your true love, you’ll be ready for them.
Imagine what if you could make any man adore you, chase you, love you, and commit to you!
This article is contributed by Tina Jones. Tina is part of the Unforgettable Woman Publishing Team. She works together with founder Alexandra Fox and writes dating/relationship articles for women who want to understand male psychology, how to attract men, and find true love.
How to catch a cheater with reverse cell number look-up
Posted by: | CommentsIf you are interested in how to catch a cheater quickly and easily then this may be the most important article that you will ever read. Here I am going to show you a full proof method that you can use in order to find out if your spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend is cheating right now online.
What I am talking about is that in order to catch your spouse or partner cheating then you are going to need to perform a reverse cell phone search. Think about it, if your significant other is cheating on you then they have to communicate with their lover somehow, and the most common method for this is going to be the cell phone.
To bust a cheater you need two things; your spouse or partners phone, and access to a reverse cell phone database. Once you have the cell phone you need to take note of any numbers that you do not recognize and enter them into the reverse cell phone database.
After you have entered each number into the database then you will have the name and address of the person who owns each number that you looked up. The best thing is that this service does not cost hundreds of dollars like a private investigator, in fact you can get it for a one time minimal fee.
If you really want to bust a cheater then I suggest you conduct a reverse cell search right now online in order to get fast results and take action toward confronting your cheating partner with solid evidence. This is what I did, and it worked like a charm!
Find Out Who Owns Any Cell Phone Number Just 2 Minutes From Now! I Know You Have Been Curious About Who Owns That Cell Number That Keep Calling You Or Your Spouse, So Find Out Now!
If you really want to bust a cheater then I suggest you conduct a reverse cell search right now online in order to get fast results and take action toward confronting your cheating partner with solid evidence. This is what I did, and it worked like a charm!
Find Out Who Owns Any Cell Phone Number Just 2 Minutes From Now! I Know You Have Been Curious About Who Owns That Cell Number That Keep Calling You Or Your Spouse, So Find Out Now!
Article Source: EzineArticles
Memoirs of a Pregnant dad – week 21 & 22
Posted by: | CommentsIT’S A BOY!!
Yup that’s right. Standing in the ultrasound room waiting patiently for the Dr to finish taking the measurements of the baby’s head and such and then he said the magic words. “It’s a boy!” It hit us all like a truck. Of course we all had different reactions!!! My Mom jumped 14 feet high and after peeling her off the ceiling she cried. Cindy was beaming a smile from cheek to cheek… finally a little brother!!……… Valerie laying on the table breathed a sigh of relief as this meant she could soon go to the bathroom. And me!!…..Even though all I really wanted was a healthy child….boy or girl didn’t matter, I gleamed, I smiled with a sense of pride……… I could feel it right then and there….the power… the releif……after living with Valerie, a step-Daughter, a female cat named Legend. Me and my boy (the other Cat) Arty have been badly outnumbered by the females and on the receiving end of PMS, female logic, and the ultimate power of female arguing wisdom. Now…… Testosterone will rival the Estrogen!! “Gillette” will take as much space as “secret”! Disposable razors will not all be pink! The toilet seat will be up as often as it is down!! YES….YES….. The hormonal balance in the house is shifting!!!
As soon as we got home I informed Arty of the incredible news and us Men retreated to the living room and scratched ourselves proudly. Soon after Valerie shook the bag of Temptation cat treats and he abandoned me. But the fact still remains the numbers will be even!! Even I tell you!!!
So its been a good couple of weeks here, things are going smooth. Val is finally buying her own T-shirts, however do not for a minute think its because she doesn’t like mine anymore….its only because slowly….over time…..they are not fitting the baby bump anymore! So it isn’t out of pity or anything ( god forbid ) its because she has no choice. But for the moment, I have my T-shirts back so I can take some mild satisfaction in this. That is until birth, because then all the T-Shirts she’s buying now will be far too big and she’ll steal mine all over again. So in the end I dont really win…..big surprise!
This week I have given Val a new Nickname. You see pregnancy brings with it all sorts of new and exciting things. The mood swings, the farting, morning sickness and all that fun stuff. Every woman is different of course and experiences these things from one extreme to the other, but then there are some things that you dont expect but probably should.
Of course with a belly now when Val sleeps getting comfy is an issue…. I mean it must be because she moves from one side to the other to her back and all over again 47 times a night when before she was asleep before she hit the pillow. As luck would have it…. the position she used to sleep in she barely uses anymore and the new 17 positions she uses all involve snoring. Of course im not sure the noise billowing forth from her nostrils can be classified as snoring but well have to live with it. It is unholy!!! I dont understand how it doesn’t hurt! The thing that surprises me the most is that she doesn’t wake herself up!! You could drop a napkin in the kitchen and she’ll wake up, but the 52 decibel fluttering nostril death banshee snore does nothing.
I sat up one night and watched her. Her face looked like she was yawning while inhaling, I mean she really gets that air in there, and then it looks like she’s blowing a kiss when exhaling. Legend foolishly crossed over her when she inhaled once and I swear the cat ran in place trying to escape but couldn’t. Suddenly she exhaled and Legend hit the dresser and knocked over Cindy’s babyteeth. Of course when Val discovered the jar of teeth on the floor in the morning she gave legend sht. Poor thing… I thought of speaking up but decided not too. I don’t think the pregnant one would have taken it too well if I told her she almost swallowed the cat and I layed there and watched wanting to see what would happen if she did. Secretly hoping the snoring would stop.
So, because of the new snoring development Ive decided to call my lovely wife the newest Decepticon SNOR-A-TRON. With fast action Fusion Snor-o-cannon. Guaranteed to wake you up!
I have also noticed that things that could not possibly be your fault, become your fault. Of course as males we are responsible for much whether we like it or not but it would be nice if things make sense. Legend this week was on the table and up to her usual attention getting trouble, playing with Val’s stuff. She knock’s something over and Val gets frustrated and has to pick it up etc. I innocently come walking into the kitchen to get a drink and Val stare’s at me with this wicked look like I should crawl in a hole or something and utters: “she gets it from you you know!”
Now my response is obvious….. how the hell could I be responsible for what the cat does!! Pregnant women have the answers. And pregnant answers require no justification. They just ARE! And should you argue their points….they will only create more answers. So in response to losing the argument that I am not responsible for the cats behavior I have tried to train Legend. Needless to say she’s training me more than anything else. But Ive learned that if I growl a certain way she will run and hide under our bed, and she will follow a red laser pointer until she keel’s over and dies. Making her chase the lazer in circles and getting her dizzy is also rather hilarious. Probably cruel….but hilarious nonetheless.
So the day before we have the ultrasound we decide it would be easier to have my Mom spend the night as opposed to picking her up in the morning. (Hades fire breathing hounds would not have stopped my mother from being there for this one. I swear to God she would have hitchhiked or worst case scenario….actually teleported if she needed too.) But no……..instead, she spends the night.
Now im pretty lucky (in a way) because the wife and the mother get along very well. But holy flipping Santa’s reindeer can these two women talk……and talk……and geez talk yet some more. Just when you think they have run out of things to talk about they find some obscure subject and start ranting about that. Everytime I went to the kitchen I felt like I was watching a tennis game. We went to bed later than usual, Val snored all night, I was a bloody zombie the next day.
The day however at the hospital was very special. I can’t even describe how I was feeling really. This isn’t something I think you can explain unless you are in the situation but wow. Seeing that baby on the vewscreen and looking like a baby at this point was really cool. (the first ultrasound the fetus looked like an Alien. So much in fact I wasn’t sure if I was indeed from Earth or not.) Watching the baby move…..the heart beat. I admit I got all watery eyed. OF course its my Mom’s fault cause she was sobbing otherwise I would have been just fine. I think Val was the only one who didn’t react cause the only thing she was thinking about at that point was how badly she had to pee.
So that’s it…..after all this time and everyone telling us its a girl, myself and a very select few people were actually right. Yes….there is no need to re-read the last sentence I said I was right!! I will pay for it and somehow be wrong later but for now I am right!!!
Needless to say…I didn’t sleep last either. Snor-a-tron was making energon cubes.
By Lee Marshall
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The Secret About Hodia
Posted by: | CommentsIntroducing a plant from South Africa that has the weight-loss crowd thrilled. Is this the thing that could help millions of overweight people display bodies to die for? Maybe, just maybe, this is the magic pill we’ve all been waiting for.
Let’s face it, the onslaught of fashion magazines and shows has drummed the perfect shape of a fit body into everybody’s brains. We all know how we’re supposed to look like to be attractive and to give off that “carefree success” look. What we did not know is that the next big thing in dieting comes from South Africa
From the sandy expanses of the Kalahari Desert intrepid businessmen bring a cactus called Hoodia. Weight loss experts are already excited over the avenues opened by this plant that curbs hunger.
For hundreds of years the Kalahari bushmen have been eating Hoodia to keep hunger at bay during long hunting trips and in times of drought. And now millions of people living in industrialized countries are about to join them, as Hoodia-based pills are made available in the USA. However, for all the glittering promise of a better tomorrow, Hoodia is still somewhat of a problem. First, no scientific tests have been conducted on humans to check the effects of this plant. We know it works for the bushmen, but will it work for everybody just as well and without side effects?
People high and low, from Hollywood stars to high-powered entertainment staffers to the common man, everybody is willing to overlook the lack of official studies and have a go at Hoodia. Many people have been fighting excess weight all their lives and are interested in anything that promises fast and effective weight loss.
One of the latest and most effective drugs launched on the weight loss market is the ProShape rx. Does it have the amazing Hoodia among its ingredients? You bet! This new pill may well prove to be a ray of hope for overweight people looking to improve their looks and health by shedding those extra pounds. If Hoodia is really the magic plant all overweight people are waiting for, then ProShape rx is one of the best choices around.
Memoirs of A pregnant Dad – Week 20
Posted by: | CommentsHere we are! Week 19 and the half way mark is fast approaching. What a wonderful ride this has been. Normally I go off on rants and such and there will likely be some rather wacky mentionings in this as well but for the moment I thought it best to take a moment and lose the exaggerations and the body counts. In other words Im going to try and be a little serious for a moment and believe me……..this is not easy for a blundering nutbar like myself.
19 weeks!! Wow!! At 34 years old nearly at a point where I had given up all hope of ever becoming a father myself, I can tell you after 19 weeks of watching Val and being a part of this experience all that negativity of age and parenthood goes out the window. Yes, I do admit sometimes it can be a scary thought. Both Val and I have spoken about many things concerning the future and the aches and pains we will have. Communication however = the key. First time fathers!!! ….. Best advise I can give isn’t ducking for cover when the gas is passed or the mood swing comes around the corner and shaves off your eyebrows. Even the MR. Big takes a shelf to this…..TALK to your wife. There is a difference between watching your wife carry your child and carrying it together. Obviously “carry together” is metaphorical but educate yourself. We may not have this thing in our bellies and puke up our guts, or suffer every spectrum of the emotional bar in under 10 seconds but there are so many things we can do and the best one I’ve learned is making sure your wife knows she isn’t alone in this. Besides, she’ll be laughing 15 years from now when im approaching 50 and the child says “DAD! Lets play FOOTBALL!!”
This is important!! You ARE going to feel as though your useless at times, this is ok…half the time its true!!! It isn’t so much that your useless its more that half the time you CAN NOT help her the way you wish you could. Don’t feel so bad (Although you will, but the longer time goes on the more you will understand what Im) talking about) She already knows her limits….learn them as well and learn your own. Besides she will probably let you know when your not pulling your weight in the most loving way possible!
Of course everyone is different and I dont know everything, I mean sht this is my first time, what the hell do I know really!! But I think im holding up pretty dam good. And despite the fact that I make out Val to be a murderous lunatic at times in these memoirs she has on many occasions told me she appreciates everything I do to help out. So after 19 weeks now. Being paranoid out of my mind. Wondering if im doing anything right at all because lets face it……When she looks pissed off at you for waking up in the morning and your wondering if you should sit at the table with her or in your car instead…..You wonder!! Hearing that makes a world of difference. Although if your wife is telling you off, has never said thank you, or has actually dug a hole in your backyard…..You don’t need to wonder anything at all. You are wrong! You are STILL wrong!! and it IS YOUR GRAVE!!!
When I first started writing these memoirs they really were just for my own amusement and to make some people laugh. I only ever actually intended to write 1 or 2. Look at me now, I have fans and am getting hate mail when Im late. I have to admit these memoirs are a big part of this pregnancy for me and a means to share this experience with friends, but I really didn’t expect this kind of a reaction to them.
So…19 weeks. The baby is now 6 inch’s from head to rump. Val however believes the baby is stretched out on a couch, legs crossed and watching satellite TV. I have lifted the babies pending grounding at birth for denying me access to Val’s Boobs so early as the sensitivity is not so bad anymore. This may be no big deal for all of you but for me…..I got my boobies back and its this weeks highlight!! Its Boobie time!! ( . /\ . )
People also seem to get a kick out of the “flatuation nation” and as I said in a previous memoir these last couple of weeks have brought on some interesting sounds. So ive decided to take things a step further and name them for you….for her….and for my own personal amusement! Of course these names are not for My wonderful pregnant “Ultramar gas got nothing on me” wife alone. They really pertain to anybody, so read them and use your imagination.
The Quadruple Flutter Rumbler.
The Triple Flutter Blast (courtesy of the Admiral)
The Capt. Kirk Communicator
The Weezer
The Push Daisy Popper
The Flaming Nacho (Courtesy of Doritos)
The Galvanizing Gator Snap
The Silent Sniper (Mostly experienced from under the covers)
The Feline Nullifier
The Laughing Rat-tat-tat-er
And Finally….
The Sinking Bismarck Torpedo Lasher
**Please note….with the exception of the flaming Nacho and the feline nullifier none actually smell…. they just sound really funny!!** Available only during pregnancy so enjoy them while they last!!!
So this past weekend we went camping. After 19 weeks into the pregnancy Ive experience the ever fearful moodswing and likely will a few more before the baby blasts off but I experienced something different this weekend concerning them. See normally when you hear “Moodswing” and “Pregnant” in the same sentence you envision in your head a flying demon, breathing fire and verbally crushing whats left of your courage. Now I dont know if it was the fresh air or the fact that its 19 weeks and things are changing again but Val has developed the “One Liner” mood swing. She doesn’t yell, She doesn’t toss appliances with her mind, and she doesn’t stare through you like you should immediately know what it is she’s angry about. Instead she subtly blurts out these one liners that shut you up instantly. For example…… Cindy was bugging her about something (Yes Cindy for once Im innocent) Im not sure about what exactly but it was probably about Magic……….(Speaking of Magic. Never show your step daughter how to play this game if your wife is prego. Dont ask why…just don’t do it) So anyway…Cindy is blabbing away about something and Val suddenly turns her head and looks at her. Cindy feeling the hellfire from Val’s eyes on her face immediately stops talking and Val blurts out as calm as can be, “Silence…….Your annoying me!” Cindy knowing her cue Im assuming didnt say another word, left the picnic table and excitedly worked on the fire.
She also told me in that ever so calm one liner Moodswing voice , “If you want to live to see Monday make sure the tent doesn;t leak.” Well…It did leak…..On Cindy’s side…..Thus I was safe!! However, fairwarning first time Dad’s: Beware the one liner mood swing, they are not as violent but are effective and utterly scary.
2 More weeks before we find out the sex!!! We are very excited and can’t wait!!! 19 weeks and im still alive!!
By Lee Marshall
Memoirs of a Pregnant dad – Week 16-18
Posted by: | CommentsWell now…… How is everyone holding up so far? The wife is good…….very good in fact and so is the baby for those of you that sent some hate mail to me concerning the memoirs and were curious. Thank you very much for your concern! I do however feel it prudent that I should add that I AM DOING OK TOO BY THE WAY, AND THANKS FOR ASKING!!!!!! Nope, no sarcasm there!!! Im just the FATHER!!!!
The first tri-mester was great wasn’t it? Oh I had a lot of fun…… everybody congratulates you, everyone’s happy for you. Heck we were even thrown a party for it. Men…..All of that good stuff is over!!!!! The second tri-mester you are reduced even further down the ladder of laughable importance than you were before. Who knows maybe it’s just me but no one seems to care about ME anymore, its all about the MOM. Ok yes… I understand she is the one carrying the child and that is no easy thing I agree, but I swear to the gods the bigger her belly gets…..the more I fade to the back ground.
I first started noticing this at work believe it or not. People used to ask how I was doing and such etc etc…now it’s “Hey Lee, Hows the wife doing?” It then started on facebook…..messages with “So how’s Val?” nothing about me….. no hello how are YOU doing……nope…. “How’s VAL”. Then….the phone. Debbie calls, I answer… I mean its my house too I live there for crying outloud and there is no hello…… no How are you Lee……its “I dont want to talk to you!!!, Where’s VAL?” My own Mom omg. We go there to visit, I walk in the house, Val is just behind me with Cindy. I say “Hi Mom” she doesn;t even make eye contact. She whispers ‘hi lee’, walks right past me, talks to Val’s belly, gives her a big hug and kiss and smiles and.. ” How are you VAL?” My mom………. my OWN MOTHER!!.
What happened?? (Scary Music) The second TRIMESTER. Its like a horror movie preview with that guy who does all the narrating with the deep voice?
In a dangerous time…
Unexpected terror….
The SECOND TRIMESTER!
Your even more screwed than you thought you were before!
Coming soon to theater’s. Rated H for Husbands.
Yes….it has been awhile, but it has been a busy few weeks and well….i’ve just been too bloody lazy!. Lazy however does not go far when you have a pregnant wife. And remember this: it is completely ok for her to be as lazy as she wants to be. Learn this as well: DO not confuse Lazy with being tired and no matter how “tired” she is she will always have the energy to yell at you for being “lazy”! So in other words….. your screwed. You will also suddenly have many responsibilities that are entirely your own that used to be shared. Although they are for very good reasons as you dont want to risk anything to the pregnancy. These responsibilities lead to some very surprising realizations however.
For example: It is unbelievable how much 2 cats can shit when your the only one cleaning the cat litter.
You are also now responsible for keeping your wifes water glass full. Just so you know pregnant women in the second tri-mester can drink more water than a derby horse on some of the best steroids downtown Detroit can offer. Do not be surprised if when its time for the water to break 942 litres spill out.
You must buy more T-shirts……do not concern yourself if they fit you or not….. Buy the largest ones and expect to see her wearing them.
Your car must always have enough gas left for two trips to the gas station because when she says she wants a Mr. Big…..She’s not talking about you!! Go out and get the chocolate bar immediately.
If you are on an errand never “forget” to pick up the Mr Big. You can forget the milk…. bread…. even the diet cola. I can not explain what will happen to you if you forget the “MR Big” other than it will hurt.
Replace…..”IM sorry” with: “I was wrong” its just safer. If you want to know why…..say “im sorry” and dont tell me I didn’t warn you.
Along with the second trimester comes the wonderful world of increased Flatulation. Pregnant women and gas are best friggen friends. Although….things now change. See, it used to be just regular gas cause by the regular foods…. beans… spicy stuff etc etc. Now its food in general, it doesn’t matter what. Just simply food and different foods have different effects and noises. Thought Beans were bad?? Beware Doritos Oh……my……God. I dont know what the fuk happens to chocolate chip cookies going through a pregnant digestive tract but holy sht. If your wife likes to be cuddled at night (and you know they do) you will soon master the hug and dodge maneuver as opposed to the hug and roll. Small piece of advice…..let the cats sleep in the room. This will aid you with the silent ones…….when the cats meow and bolt…..quickly follow them.
Beware because your wife will think this part especially amusing. Do not however laugh at her or mock her because I learned real quick that she does not have to warn you or tell you that a bomb is about to go off. Your only screwing yourself. And do not try to keep up with her (Because we all know us men can let off some good ones) You need to eat lots of beans to do this…. she just needs to munch on a few chips and its all over. Accept defeat…it will pass…….No pun intended.
This is also the time many of the people you know in your life who have children will suddenly start laughing at you. In the first trimester these people were all smiles and shaking your hand and giving you hugs and stuff. Suddenly these people are laughing at me hysterically. One guy at work inparticular, one of our drivers Burt walks in says of course..”Hey…How’s the wife doing??, BUHAHAHAHAHAHA” (please note…even these people will no longer give a rats azz how YOUR doing anymore). “How many Weeks?” he asks…….. 19….”BUhahahahahahHAHA!!!!” People I dont know….. Rob tells his bro, “Hey man…Lee’s going to be a Dad,” At first he’s excited for me…shakes my hand and all that good stuff. “That’s great…how old are you?”…….34…”BUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”. The women will tell you its the most exciting time of your life, its a magical experience and all that stuff that makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside. The guys??? Expect a lot of BUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH!!!! There is no sympathy for us in the second trimester…..and everyone will think its funny!!!
So we are now all settled in our new home. The only room that’s a disaster is the babies room but it will come along slowly. Val’s mood swings have settled down some, even though they were never really all that bad. I do feel sorry for the renovators however……being late is not an option for pregnant women. Last week I noticed 3 fresh and empty graves in the backyard, today there are only 2. I have no idea who met an untimely demise but it was probably someone with a hammer. On the bright side though we now have towel racks!
Val is still tired alot but this too isn’t as bad. Energy is coming back more and more but if you ask her what she did during the day it will usually follow with “Nothing I was lazy”. (Note: Do not question where she gets the energy to dig the graves…..one of them could be yours!)
I will Try and post the pic from the ultrasound, if you see it..GREAT!!! IF not..its because I failed. The next ultra sound is in 3 weeks…..we will find out the sex in this one. And so far im still alive…..thus I must be doing something right! Go team!!
By Lee Marshall
Ab Toner
Posted by: | CommentsWould you like to have an attractive flat, firm and toned stomach. Now there is an FDA approved medical technology that is finally available to the public….check this out:
The Flex Belt Abdominal Toning Belt is truly an awesome advance in technology. This device is by far the most effective we have ever seen of its kind. It makes it so that anyone can exercise their abs anywhere and anytime and it does all the work for you. You can use it at work, around the house, while taking a walk, while exercising, watching TV etc. The results are astonishing –
The Flex Belt is proven to work for everyone. In fact – in a clinical trial done with The Flex Belt, 100% of the participants received results in flattening, toning, and strengthening their stomach. The Flex Belt is not a gimmick – it is 100% medical science. It is the first EMS (Electric Muscle Stimulation) product of its kind cleared by the FDA as a class II medical device for direct to consumer sales.
For consumers who don’t have the time to exercise or for those that may have tried to flatten and tone their stomachs through traditional exercise, this product is precisely what they’ve been looking for. It is also great for people that are in awesome shape and already have a great stomach – it will simply make it more strong and defined. The intensity goes from level 1-100. With continued use and as you get stronger, you will increase the intensity. Trust us — This thing works! If you run the belt on a high intensity, you will feel your stomach muscles sore the next day just like you would after an intense abdominal workout at the gym. This is probably the coolest, most advanced product we have ever reviewed. You can see an amazing demo of the product by Clicking Here:
Or keep reading…it gets better. Concept The Flex Belt is an innovative, medical-grade technology with the extraordinary ability to sculpt a firmer, stronger and more toned abdominal area without painful, repetitive exercise routines. The makers of Flex Belt are a medical device company headquartered in Galway, Ireland with 40 years expertise designing, manufacturing and marketing EMS (Electric Muscle Stimulation) devices for medical and consumer use. Their EMS medical devices are used and prescribed in 5000 clinics worldwide. In fact, this is the same technology that physical therapists use for their patients that need certain muscles exercised. This product consists of a precisely engineered, ergonomically designed training belt that tones the central abdominal muscles and obliques for the flat stomach or ‘six-pack’ we all dream of.
The company is so confident in the amazing results achieved with this groundbreaking product that they offer a full 60 money back guarantee. If you use the belt as instructed (once a day, five days a week), you will definitely see results before the 60 days are up – so this is no-lose situation satisfaction guarantee policy. We don’t think an awesome athlete and legend like Jerry Rice of the San Francisco 49ers would back the product and use it himself if it didn’t work…you can see a video clip of Jerry wearing belt on the official website here:
Here’s how it works: The unique construction of the Flex Belt features three pre-positioned, medical-grade Gel Pads, covering the central abdominal muscles and external obliques. Signals from the belt reach out to nerves where they are most concentrated. These nerves branch out to reach all the abdominal muscles (not just those under the pads) causing them to relax and contract naturally, working all the muscles at the same time. When wearing The Flex Belt, you will feel a mild pulsing sensation, followed by some tightening of the abdominal muscles. The muscles should contract smoothly, hold themselves in a tensed position for a few seconds and gently relax again. It is never uncomfortable – but always apparent. You control how powerful the sensations are with the intensity controller. The intensity goes from level 1-100. Like we said before, there is no chance this thing doesn’t work — If you run the belt on a high intensity, you will feel your stomach muscles sore the next day just like you would after an intense abdominal workout at the gym. The end result is that all the muscles are worked at the same time, and no sit-ups or crunches are needed to get flatter, tighter, more toned abs.
The makers of The Flex Belt guarantee results within weeks of using the system and 100% of users have reported more toned and firmer abs. All that is required is a mere 30 minutes a day, five days a week, to see results. The best part is that this 30-minute exercise doesn’t have to be in a gym, and it doesn’t have to take any time out of your day. This belt can be worn any time, allowing consumers to tighten their abs during almost any normal activity. The system is great for people of all lifestyles including casual exercisers, fitness enthusiasts, seniors, new mothers and even people with physical limitations. The belt works for everyone and all should benefit from this simple system. Click here to learn more about this awesome advancement in the world of fitness:
Lifestyle For consumers who don’t have the time to exercise or for those that may have tried to flatten and tone their stomachs through traditional exercise, this product is precisely what they’ve been looking for. It is also great for people that are in awesome shape and already have a great stomach – it will simply make it more strong and defined. Its ability to precisely target the appropriate muscle groups is nothing short of amazing, and has opened the door to a new era in fitness. Not to mention that for those consumers who may be limited in their ability to perform strenuous exercises like sit-ups or crunches, this ergonomic approach is ideal. Consumers can incorporate this exercise regimen into any part of their day, without having to “drop everything” and suffer through crunches. It is also the perfect solution for new mothers who want to get their tummy back in shape, executives who don’t have that long to exercise each day, and even those that are in awesome shape and just want to look better. You also don’t have to worry about changing clothes while wearing it because it will fit under your shirt and there is no perspiring during a session.
On the official website, you will see an awesome video that shows you everything about the product, including some detailed visuals of how it works the muscles. You will also see that the belt is used by several celebrities, approved by the FDA and has clinical studies showing that: 100% of the people reported their abs are stronger and more toned, the average person received a 49% increase in strength and a 72% increase in endurance. The belt is lightweight and “breathable,” and has different training programs built in if you would like to use them. Or you can just manually adjust the intensity yourself. This innovative method for exercising the stomach muscles is also very easy on the back, and will be a welcome change from those who have sustained injuries through laborious sit-ups. While the popular expression “no pain, no gain” is still often used by reluctant exercisers, this product achieves a very efficient, targeted abdominal workout without the need for any suffering. We definitely recommend trying the Flex® Belt — no one is ever disappointed.
Cost The Flex Belt is $199 for one belt – a VERY affordable price for this type of medical grade technology and a guaranteed more attractive stomach. If you order an additional belt for a friend or loved one, you will receive a 25% discount on the second belt. In fact – all additional belts after the first one are priced at 25% off. 1 Flex Belt = $199.99 2 Flex Belts = $349.00 (a $50 savings) 3 Flex Belts = $499.99 (a $100 savings) 4 Flex Belts = $649.99 (a $150 savings) A lot of people order an additional belt for their spouse so they can wear them together. If you have a friend that you exercise with, we recommend going in together on an order and taking advantage of the $50 discount off the second belt. We like that there are no hidden costs and all orders come with a more than fair 60-day money back return policy. Another awesome benefit is that The Flex Belt comes with a 2-year extended warranty, so you can get your belt replaced should anything happen to it….no questions asked. We have checked the customer service out and it is great. They are always available during business hours and will help you with anything you need. Website In Focus The official website is awesome! It is visually stunning and leaves nothing to the imagination which is helpful when purchasing a $199 item.
It is informative without being distracting. Make sure you check out their testimonials and press page. The Flex Belt has been praised by celebrities and enthusiastically reviewed by these major publications: Flex Magazine, Weight Watchers, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Men’s Fitness and many more…In Fact – this site is sponsored by Flex & Fitness Magazines and all orders come with a free 1-year subscription should you want it. Click Here to visit the official website – you can’t miss this one:
Positives
• Helps tighten, tone and strengthen the abs anytime or anywhere you want to use it
• Clinical trials show that 100% of users report it works
• Backed by major celebrities, doctors, and approved by the FDA as a medical grade device available to consumers
• Great for Casual Exercisers, Fitness Enthusiasts, Executives who don’t have time to make it to the gym, Seniors, New Mothers, People with physical difficulties or anyone that wants more attractive abs. • Comes with a 60-Day Money Back Guarantee!
• 2-year extended replacement warranty Negatives
• The Flex Belt is only guaranteed for 60-days if you buy it on the official website –
there are no returns if you buy it thru a reseller or a store.
Final Thoughts Most people know that good things can only come after they have been earned through blood, sweat and tears. While this may be true in many cases, the Flex Belt is definitely an awesome exception. With less free time and busier lives, people around the world are losing the opportunity to regularly exercise without sacrificing their daily activities. The Flex Belt is designed to alleviate that issue by providing an easy, comfortable and completely effective product that provides exercise and convenience simultaneously. This anytime, anywhere belt has been scientifically proven to provide results within weeks. The belt works for everyone and we can’t really imagine who can’t benefit from it: new mothers who want to get their tummy back in shape, students, executives who don’t have that long to exercise each day, and even those that are in awesome shape and just want to look better. You can also use the belt anywhere and anytime: while working, doing house choirs, shopping, while at the gym, reading, watching TV, studying etc…. We feel that $199 is not only a fair price for a guaranteed more attractive stomach, but you will be able to use the belt for years to come. This is an awesome product that provides a no-lose situation in trying it. We recommend ordering this one right away. In the unlikely situation that it doesn’t work for you, we encourage you to simply take advantage of their very cool 60-Day Money Back refund policy. Click here to visit the official website and get yours – you won’t be disappointed:
