Memoirs Of A Pregnant Dad- Week 13-14

Nope…I did not forget. We’ve just been preparing to move and I’ve been a little busy packing and such. Yes I know that most of the women in my life will tell me that this is no excuse but if you like you can argue with the pregnant wife…. yes I know this is likely futile for me but don’t tell me your not thinking twice!

So I’ve learned some things these past couple of weeks. This may come as a suprise for most of you but these are not the lessons that everyday man must accustom himself too. I have had many lessons of marriage 101 from Tracy and Tim, but nothing can prepare a man for (scary music) Pregnancy!!!! I have made a list of the 5 prime rules a man must follow for pregnancy. Men…some may seem rediculous and the women will laugh at me but beleive me, you’ll thank me for it!!!

RULE 1: Never Challenge the pregnant one. Under no circumstances tell her that “You Think” something is not a good idea, or that “She can’t” do something. This will result in several bruises and mild verbal abuse measuring to the effect of “fuk you” and “Your not gonna tell me…”

RULE 2: If the cat is in the Vacinity of the pregnant one and “looks” like it may make its way to the pregant one Do NOT pick up said Cat and begin to pet it! This cat was clearly on its way to say hello to the pregnant one and you WILL receive a verbal lashing for interfering!!!

RULE 3: If you thought you were wrong before, there is no Websters definition for how wrong you are now! Expect the worst and hope for the best!.

RULE 4: Always have the internet or computer turned on and ready. Learn how to stall accordingly!!! When in doubt…RUN. The most obscure question will come forth from the pregnant ones mouth and “I don’t know” is not an acceptable answer and time is sensitive!!

RULE 5: This one is important. Write stuff down. No matter how minute. She WILL ask a question pertaining to some lost artifact that is in your house and she WILL fully expect you to know where it is. You MUST have an aswer!!! If you have no clue…inform her you have no clue…and the color draws from her face my friend there is nothing I can do to save you. NOTE: Sometimes she will play with your head and play like its completely ok, beware of this…for the next time will result in much guilt.

Follow these rules as though they are the bible……Rememeber GOD created the earth and life in 7 days!! He did not have to deal with a woman for 9 months. Considering Man was created in his image I think us men can completley understand why he decided to skip that part!!! It must be great being Devine, but we are not…..thus….follow the rules!!!!

Your wife will develop some strange habits. Of course when these habits are brought to thier attention there will be a completely obvious excuse that you “should have known” for them. These are not obvious to you but you will be made to feel that the rest of the world is well aware of these reasons. IE: Val for some reason suddenly always….and I mean always..wears a hat. I wear a hat all the time yes but when Im home I take it off etc etc……Val….will wake up, put a hat on and NEVER take it off. Why? Her Words: ” My Hair feels better with it on”, “I have a headache”, “It’s Cold”, Analyzing these answers I can find find no significant relation to them and a baseball cap BUT for those in doubt…see rule # 3.

14 weeks is the end of the first Tri-mester, start of the second. See I know this because I get an E-mail from Baby Center Canada ( I love you Catherine) and therfore if you think im wrong its the internet and not my fault!!! Val has developed an extremly colorful vocabulary, mild violent mood swings and there have only beeen 14 bodies i’ve had to bury..( by the way Deb…next cat that dies….NOT to the left of the tree, and ignore the hole under Dad’s stairs!! ) Things are good. As per baby center Canada these are a reletively uneventful 2 weeks in terms of mood and tempermant. The pregnant one will not experience much change and I must agree, however the baby itself has doubled in size and is starting to kick (although she won’t feel it) and suck on it’s thumb. Week 15 promises much but well get to that in good time, and yes…I do have the ultrasound’ pictures so I am not in jail but I do need to scan them. Tim being the only friend I know who has a scanner does not currently have it hooked up. So ( and I need your help) I need to wait for TIM to re-connect his scanner so I can scan the pictures and attach them to a memoir. Therefore Tim is the only one tagged in this memoir of easy access for al you readers to send him a message so he can hook it up and I can scan it!!

I am fully aware that I will pay for this Tim but you have to admit it was a goooooood plan!!!! Provided of course people co-operate which……sadly….when it comes to me……Doubtful!!

Week 15 coming soon, will be a long one I think…I have many notes! BTW, Val is showing much more and is adorable!!